精选的爆笑英语笑话精选 爆笑英语笑话精� �1：Expensive Price Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll he to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 昂贵的代价 牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。 母亲：二十五美元!可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀?
牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了 2：I Wasn't Asleep When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!" "I wasn't asleep," the man answered. "Not asleep?
But you had your eyes closed." "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car." 我没有睡着 当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒!” “我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。 “没睡着?
可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?
” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。” 3：The poor husband "You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong. 可怜的丈夫 “你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。” Who's More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down. 谁更有礼貌?
一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。 4：Let Dog in Hotel A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behed. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?
" An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too." 一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?
” 旅馆主人立即回了封信，“我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单， 餐具，或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们非常欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆，如果它为您担保，也欢迎您来。 5：Intelligent son One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope. After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You he thrown the letter in the mail box?
" "Certainly" "You he not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?
" "I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope." "Then why you didn't take it back?
" "I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!" 聪明的儿子 有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。 儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?
” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?
” “我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢?
” “我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!” 最新爆笑英语笑话精选可以看看这篇名叫短篇精选英语爆笑笑话100篇的文章，可能你会获得更多爆笑英语笑话精选
以下是的一些我们精选的短篇精选英语爆笑笑话100篇
1、 "Therewasablondethatwassosickofblondejokesshediedherhairred.Thejokesstoppedandshefeltsogood,shetookarideinthecountryoneSaturdayafternoon.Whileonthisride,shenoticedaflockofsheepandstoppedthecartotake&n......"
2、 "Thereisthisguyandthisgirlandtheywanttohesex.Sotheygotothegirlshouseandbeforeenteringthegirlstopstheguyandsays.
""MylittlesistersleepsonthebottombunkofourbunkbedandIdonotwanthertoknowwhatwearedoing,sowhenIsay`baloney`itmeanspushharder,andwhenIsay`pastrami`itmeanspushslower."" ......"
3、1．Whatthefuckisgoingon?
（到底他妈的怎么回事?
） 通常此话出于黑人之口，且口气最宜为疑惑，不解，愤怒等等。
若是白人则多数时候会说-Whatthehellisgoingon?
意义相同而适用于更多场合。 说此话之人身份通常为上级，且相处较久。 不过如果你出差回家时看见老婆身边躺着个赤条条的陌生人，那它可就派上大用场了！ 2．Yousonofbitch!（你个狗娘养的！） 令人意外的是，最爱说这句话的往往是女性。 ......
4、 "Thereisalittleboyandalittlegirlinthewoods.Thelittle
girlaskedtheboy,""Whatisapenis?
"" Theboyreplied,""Idon`tknow.""Atthattimehehearshismom callinghimforlunch.Hegoeshomeandeatshislunch.Thenhe ......"
5、 "Doctor,Iheanearache. 2000B.C.-""Here,eatthisroot."" 1000B.C.-""Thatrootisheathen,saythisprayer.""
1850A.D.-""Thatprayerissuperstition,drinkthispotion."" 1940A.D.-""Thatpotionissnakeoil,swallowthispill."" 1985A.D.-""Thatpillisineffective,takethisantibiotic."" ......"
6、 "Thereisalittleboyandalittlegirlinthewoods.Thelittle girlaskedtheboy,""Whatisapenis?
""
Theboyreplied,""Idon`tknow.""Atthattimehehearshismom callinghimforlunch.Hegoeshomeandeatshislunch.Thenhe ......"
7、 "Thereisthisguyandthisgirlandtheywanttohesex.Sotheygotothegirlshouseandbeforeenteringthegirlstopstheguyandsays. ""MylittlesistersleepsonthebottombunkofourbunkbedandIdonotwanthertoknowwhatwearedoing,sowhenIsay`baloney`itmeanspushharder,andwhenIsay`pastrami`itmeanspushslower.""
......"
8、 "Anewguyintownwalksintoabarandreadsasignthathangsoverthebar:FREEBEERFORTHEPERSONWHOCANPASSTHETEST!Sotheguyasksthebartenderwhatthetestis. Bartender:""Well,FIRSTyouhetodrinkthatwholegallonofpeppertequila,theWHOLEthingatonceAND,youcan`tmakeafacewhiledoingit.SECOND,there`sa`gatoroutbackwithasoretooth...youhetoremoveitwithyourbarehands.THIRD,there`sawomanup-stairswho`sneverhadanorgasm.Yougottamakethingsrightforher.
......"
9、 "wheniwasafreshmaninouruniversity,oneday,ournewteacherwantustosaysthaboutyourselfthen,astudentstandedup,andsaid""icomefromshandong,andiwanttolearnmorewheniminuniversity,andhopegood,goodstudy,day,dayup.thenourteacher&n......"
10、 "yourfunnystorywastoooverdue.iusedtohearaboutitwheniwasjustamiddleschoolstudent.heyoueverheardaboutthissentence:""webrotherwhoandwho""?
"
11、 WhatisthedifferencebetweenamanandE.T.?
E.T.phonedhome
12、 "Whatisthethinnestbookintheworld?
""Whatmenknowaboutwomen."""
13、 "苦命的salesmanAninsectrepellentsalesmantriedtosellhisproducttoafarmer.Hesaidhewasn""tinterestedbecausehehadn""tseenanybugsorinsectsonhisfarmforyears.Thesalesmanindicatedhehadawifeandfourkidsandreallyneededthemoney.The......"
14、 "运动世家AGerman,EnglishmanandAmericanaretrelingonatrain.Theygetboredandstarttellingeachotherabouttheirfamilies.TheGermansaysIhe4kids,onemoreandthey""llmakeabasketballteam.TheEnglishmansayshuh!Thatsnothing,Ihe10boys,&nbs......"
15、 "FLOWERSItmeansthat...Youlovethebeautyofnature,thescentofflowersandappreciatethistimelessromanticgesture.ORYougetsometwistedjoyoutofwatchingvegetationwitheranddie."
16、 "RevealingGiftTestWhichgiftwouldyoulike?
Todetermineyourpersonality,pickthegiftyou""dmostliketoreceive."
17、 "ASWEETPOEMItmeansthat...You""reahopelessromantic,aculturedpersonwhorecognizesthepowerandbeautyofthewrittenword.ORYou""reusedtocheapgiftsandliketopassyourselfoffasaculturedpersonwhorecognizesthepowerandbeautyofthew......"
18、 "Amarriedcoupleonthefarmarevisitedbyanaliencouple.Thealiencoupleaskedthehumancoupleiftheywouldliketoswappartnersforsex. Theyagree,thehumanwomanandalienmanaretogether.Shesays,""Youheasmallpenis!"" Thealienmanreplies,""pullmyears!"" ......Amanentersabarbershopforashe.
Whilethebarberisfoaminghimup,hementionstheproblemhehasgettingacloseshearoundhischeeks. ""Ihejustthething,""saysthebarber,takingasmallwoodenballfromanearbydrawer.""Justplacethisbetweenyourcheekandgum."" ......"
19、 "Amanwaswalkingalongthestreetwhenhesawaladdergoingintotheclouds.Asanyofuswoulddo,heclimbedtheladder.Hereachedacloud,uponwhichsataratherplumpandveryuglywoman.""Screwmeorclimbtheladdertosuccess,""shesaid.
......"
20、 "同学是某偏远地区的，英语发音一直不标准，老师英文也是发不准，所以更是一口地道的土腔英语。 话说同学的妹妹刚上初一，学英语的积极性狂高，每天早晨天不亮就开始朗读单词，这天像往常一样，继续拼命的读，他爹就蹲在窗户底下抽烟袋。小妹妹念“hands(音:汉子),hands”，“twohands(偷汉子)。他爹听完就止不住的皱眉，一大早就听见闺女要偷汉子，心想怪不得听说外国人开放，书上都这么写。小妹妹继续读“hands，hands，twohands(偷汉子)”。
......"
21、 话说有一名英文不太好的男子，竟然泡上一名洋妞。 一天，情到浓时，该男子用不太好的英文对洋妞女友说:『ILoveYou!』 洋女听见大喜，说:『ILoveYou，too； 那名男子不明所以，竟说:『ILoveYou，three.....！
22、 "高中的时候 很多学校都有各种各样的模拟考 有一个人 他的英语很烂很烂 一次英文模拟考
作文题目是“ADog” 结果那个人就这样写—— OnedayIseeadog. Isaid""Hi!"" Dogsaid""Hi!"" Isaid""CanyouspeakChinese?
"" Dogsaid""Yes!"" Isaid""So,let""sspeakChinese!"" Dogsaid""O.K.""
......"
23、 "有一天,一个印地安小孩问他爸爸说:""dad,我的名字怎么来的?
""父亲 回答说:""我们族人命名都是以小孩子刚出生时,父亲看到的第一见事物来命名的""像你哥哥,他刚出生时,我一出门就见到了青山,所以他叫Blue-mountain像你姊姊,她刚出生时,我一出门就见到鸟在飞,所以他叫Bird-flying.这就是我们族人命名的方式.
父亲顿了一下,然後回过头说:""对了,Dog-fucking,你刚刚问我什么问题?
"""
24、 "Onegirlwenttothepreacherandconfessedhersin. 有个女孩向神父告解她所犯的罪……… Girl:Father,Ihesinned. 女孩：神父，我有罪。 Preacher:Whatdidyoudo,littlegirl?
神父：孩子，你犯了什麽罪呢？
Girl:Yesterday,Icalledamana""sonofaBitch."" 女孩：昨天，我骂了某个男人一句：「你这个狗娘养的９ ......"
25、 "有一个男的十分爱他的女朋友于是就把他女朋友的名字""WENDY""刻在他的""那话儿""上,于是当""那话儿""缩小时只看到缩写""WY"",有一次他和他的女朋友到夏威夷去玩,他在上厕所时看到隔壁那个外国人的""那话儿""也有""WY""字样,于是很兴奋的问那个外国人:""你的女朋有也叫""WENDY""吗?
外国人回答说:""NO,NO,我刻的是:""WELCOMETOHAWAIANDENJOYYOURHOLODAY"""
26、 Therewasafarmerwhoraisedwatermelons.Hewasdoingprettywellbuthewasdisturbedbysomelocalkidswhowouldsneakintohiswatermelonpatch（西瓜地）atnightandeathiswatermelons. Aftersomecarefulthoughthecomesupwithacleverideathathethinkswillscarethekidsawayforsure.Sohemakesupasignandpostsitinthefield. ......
27、 "Canyouexplaintomewhatthedifferenceisbetweenahigh-pitchedandlow-pitchedvoice?
""Ahigh-pitchedvoiceiswhenmyfatherscoldsme；alow-pitchedvoiceiswhenmyfatherspeakswithhisboss."""
28、 Afatmanandaskinnymanwerearguingaboutwhowasthemorepolite.() ......
29、 "Ahusband,provingtohiswifethatwomentalkmorethanmen,showedherastudywhichindicatedthatmenuseontheerageonly15,000wordsaday,whereaswomenuse30,000wordsaday.
Shethoughtaboutthisforawhileandthentoldherhusbandthatwomenusetwiceasmanywordsasmenbecausetheyhetorepeateverythingtheysay. ......"
30、 "Amanentersarestaurant,takesaseat,and,insteadofusingthenapkin,takesthetableclothfromthetableandtucksitaroundhisneck. Theheadwaiterseesitandtellsthewaitertogoandtellhim,inadiplomaticway,thatwhathedidwasincorrect.
......"
31、 "Caller:""IdeletedafilefrommyPClastweekandIhejustrealisedthatIneedit.IfIturnmysystemclockbacktwoweekswillIhemyfilebackagain?
""."
32、 "Ayoungmanwentshopping.Heboughtasmallcanofcorn,asmallcanoftuna(金鱼）,asmalljarofmayo（蛋黄酱）,asmalllemonandaverysmallboxofteabags.Whenhecametothecounterthegirlatthecashregistersmiledathimandsaid;""Dearest,Youmustbesingle.""
......"
33、 "Acopspottedawomandrivingandknittingatthesametime.Comingupbesideher,hesaid,""Pullover!"" ""No,""shereplied,""apairofsocks!"""
34、 "Acarpenterwasgivingevidenceaboutanaccidenthehadwitnessed.Thejudgeaskedhimhowfarawayhewasfromtheaccident.
Thecarpenterreplied""twentysevenfeet,sixandonehalfinches"". ""What?
Howcomeyouaresosureofthatdistance?
"",askedthejudge. ......"
35、 Thesoldierwasannoyedandupsetwhenhisgirlwrotebreakingofftheirengagementandaskingforherphotographback. ......
36、 "Teacherhadsethisclassanessayin""AGameofCricket"".AftertwominutesSimonSteelhandedhispaperinandwasallowedtogohome.Hisessayread:""Rainstoppedplay."""
37、 "YoungLady:""Yournovelhasacharmingending."" Author:""Whatdoyouthinkoftheopeningchapters?
"" YoungLady:""Ihenotgottothemyet!""Mikewaslateforschool.Hesaidtohisteacher,Mr.Brack,""Excusemeformycominglate,sir.Iwatchedafootballmatchinmydream.""
""Whydiditmakeyoulate?
""inquiredtheteacher. ......"
38、 "Teacher:Whatisthepluralofman,Tom?
Tom:Men. Teacher:Good.Andthepluralofchild?
Tom:Twins."
39、 "Aprofessorwasgivingabigtestonedaytohisstudents.Hehandedoutallofthetestsandwentbacktohisdesktowait. Oncethetestwasoverthestudentsallhandedthetestsbackin.Theprofessornoticedthatoneofthestudentshadattacheda$100billtohistestwithanotesaying""Adollarperpoint.""
......"
40、 "FarmerJonespickedabigredappleandhandedittotheboysaying,""Watchoutforworms."" ""WhenIeatapples,""repliedtheboy,""thewormshetowatchoutforthemselves."
41、 "Aladywenttoapetshoptobuyaparakeet.Sheaskedtheclerkforabirdthatcouldsing.Themansoldheraparakeet,andshetookithome.There,sheexaminedthebirdandfoundoutithadabrokenleg.Shereturnedtothestorewiththe......"
42、 "Patient:Doctor,pleasetellmethetruth.Whataremychancesofrecovery?
Doctor:Justonehundredpercent!Statisticsshowthatonlynineoutoftendieofthedisease.Nownineofmypatientshealreadydiedofit.Youarethetenth!"
43、 "Acatandherfourkittensranintoalargedog.Whenthekittenscowered,thecatletoutaseriesofloudbarks,scaringthedogaway.
Turningtoherkittens,thecatsaid,""Youseehowimportantitistoknowasecondlanguage."""
44、 "Duringthefight,theboxerswipedtheairfuriously,butcouldnothithisopponent. ""HowamIdoing?
""heaskedthecoachattheendoftheround. ""Well,ifyoukeepthisup,""repliedthecoach,""hemightfeelthewindandcatchacold."""
45、 "Captain:AreyouhappynowthatyouareintheNy?
AbleSeamanJack:Yes,sir. Captain:WhatwereyoubeforeyoucameintotheNy?
AbleSeamanJack:Muchhappier."
46、 "Atrelercametoariveroneday.Hehiredboatmantotakehimtotheotherside.Itwasawindydayandtheweswereveryhigh.Sothetrelerwasalittleafraid. ""Areyousurewecancrosstheriversafely?
""heasked.
""Ofcourse,""answeredtheboatman.Theboatleftthebank. ......"
47、 "Athiefwithalongrecordwasbroughtbeforethejudge. Judge:Heyoueverstolenthings?
Thief:Oh,nowandthen. Judge:Andwhereheyoustolenthesethings?
Thief:Oh,hereandthere. Judge:Right.Lockhimup,officer. Thief:Hey,whendoIgetoutjail?
......"
48、 Doctor:Andwhomdidyouconsultaboutyourillnessbeforeyoucametome?
Patient:Onlythedruggistdownatthecorner. Doctor:Andwhatsortofridiculousadvicedidhegeyou?
Patient:Hetoldmetoseeyou!
49、 "Whilemakingalong,dullspeech,apoliticianreceivedagreatdealofhecklingfromthegallery.Secondly,someonethrewacabbageontothestage.""Ladiesandgentlemen,""saidthepolitician,""Iseethatoneofmyopponentshaslosthishead."""
50、 "Twomotoristsstoppedhead-ononabridgetoonarrowfortheircarstopass. ""Ineverbackupforanidiot.""saidonedriverangrily. ""Ialwaysdo.""repliedtheotherasheshiftedintoreverse."
51、 "Oneguygoestoadoctorandsays,""Doctor,mywifehaslosthervoice.What
shouldIdotohelphergetitback?
"" Thedoctorreplies,""Trytocomehomeat3inthemorning."""
52、 "Threeoldmenaresittingontheporchofaretirementhome.Thefirstsays,""Fellas,Igotrealproblems.I‘mseventyyearsold.Everymorningatseveno‘clockIgetupandItrytourinate.AlldaylongItrytourinate.Theygivemeallkindsofmedicinebutnothinghelps.""
......"
53、 "Therewasanoldmanwhosefamilycouldnolongeraffordtotakecareofhim.Sothefamilydecidedthatanusringfortheagedwouldbeappropriate. Ofcoursetheoldmanrejectedtheidea,butnosoonerhewasconvincedthatitwastherightthingtodo.Onhisfirstdayatthehome,hespentmostofhistimelayinginbedreflectingonlife,feelinglonely.Awhilelater,anorderlystoppedbytoseeehowtheoldman‘sfirstdaywasgoing.
......"
54、 "Acouplegoesouttodinnertocelebratetheir50thweddinganniversary.Onthewayhome,shenoticesatearinhiseyeandasksifhe‘sgettingsentimentalbecausethey‘recelebrating50wonderfulyearstogether.Hereplies,""No,Iwasthinkingaboutthetimebefore&nb......"
55、 "Awomanwalkeduptoalittleoldmanrockinginachaironhisporch.
""Icouldn‘thelpnoticinghowhappyyoulook,""shesaid.""What‘syoursecretforalonghappylife?
"" ""Ismokethreepacksofcigarettesaday,""hesaid.""Ialsodrinkacaseofwhiskeyaweek,eatfattyfoods,andneverexercise."" ......"
56、 "OLDKIDSneverdie,theyjustgrowup OLDKNIGHTSINCHAINMAILneverdie,theyjustshuffleofftheirmetalcoils OLDLASERpHYSICISTSneverdie,theyjustbecomeincoherent OLDLAWYERSneverdie,theyjustlosetheirappeal OLDLAWYERSneverdie,theyjustlosetheirbriefs ......OLDMUSICIANSneverdie,theyjustgetplayedout OLDMUSICIANSneverdie,theyjustgofrombartobar
OLDNUCLEARpOWERpLANTSneverdie,theyjustgooff-line OLDNUMERICALANALYSTSneverdie,theyjustgetdisarrayed OLDOWLSneverdie,theyjustdon‘tgiveahoot ......"
爆笑英语笑话精选
57、 "OLDRADIOSneverdie,theyjuststopreceiving OLDRAILROADERSneverdie,theyjustderail OLDRAINpUDDLESneverdie,theyjustdryup OLDSAILORSneverdie,theyjustgetalittle""DINGHY"" OLDSAILORSneverdie,theyjustlosetheirporpoise OLDSALESMENneverdie,theyjustgooutofcommission
......"
58、 "OLDMAGICIANSneverdie,theyjusttheyjustchangecolor OLDMAGICIANSneverdie,theyjustthey‘rejustfoolingthemselves OLDMAIDScountonfingers,butyounggirlscountonlegs OLDMATHTEACHERSneverdie,theyjustreducetolowestterms OLDMATHEMATICIANSneverdie,theyjustdisintegrate ......"
59、 "OLDpOSTALCARRIERSneverdie,theyjustlosetheirzip
OLDpRINTERSneverdie,they‘rejustnotthetype OLDpROGRAMMERSneverdie,theyjustbyteit OLDpROGRAMMERSneverdie,theyjustdecompile OLDpROGRAMMERSneverdie,theyjustgetbuggedwithlife OLDpROGRAMMERSneverdie,theyjustgotobits ......"
60、 "OLDTEACHERSneverdie,theyjustlosetheirclass OLDTELEpHONESneverdie,theyjuststopringing
OLDTHERMODYNAMICISTSneverdie,theyjustachievetheirstate--ofmaximumentropy OLDTIRETUBESneverdie,theyjustgetpunctured OLDTRASHneverdies,theyjustburyit ......"
61、 "OLDWANTSneverdie,theybecomeneeds OLDWATCHMAKERSneverdie,theyjustrunoutoftime OLDWATCHMAKERSneverdie,theyjustunwind OLDWATCHMAKERSneverdie,theyjustwinddown
OLDWEATHERMENneverdie,theyreignforever OLDWHITEWATERRAFTERSneverdie,theyjustgetdisgorged ......"
62、 "Recentlyseenonacard... Outside:Wedontfeelsorryforyoublowingallthosecandles,whataboutus... Inside:...Wehadtostayupallnightlightingthem!"
63、 "Anoldmanvisitshisdoctorandafterthoroughexaminationthedoctortellshim:""Ihegoodnewsandbadnews,whatwouldyouliketohearfirst?
""
patient:""Well,givemethebadnewsfirst."" Doctor:""Youhecancer,Iestimatethatyouheabouttwoyearsleft."" ......"
64、 "Threeretirees,eachwithahearingloss,weretakingawalkonefineMarchday. Oneremarkedtotheother,""Windy,ain‘tit?
"" ""No,""thesecondmanreplied,""It‘sThursday.""
Andthethirdmanchimedin,""SoamI.Let‘sheacoke."""
65、 "Forthefirsttimeinmanyyears,aanoldmantreledfromhisruraltowntothecitytoattendamovie.Afterbuyinghisticket,hestoppedattheconcessionstandtopurchasesomepopcorn. Handingtheattendant$
1.50,hecouldn‘thelpbutcomment,""ThelasttimeIcametothemovies,popcornwasonly15cents.""
......"
66、 "Seemsanelderlygentlemanhadserioushearingproblemsforanumberofyears. Hewenttothedoctorandthedoctorwasabletohehimfittedforasetofhearingaidsthatallowedthegentlemantohear100%. Theelderlygentlemanwentbackinamonthtothedoctorandthedoctorsaid,""Yourhearingisperfect.Yourfamilymustbereallypleasedthatyoucanhearagain.""
......"
67、 YouKnowYouLiveInSanFranciscoWhen... Yourco-workertellsyous/hehe8bodypiercingsbutnonearevisible. WhensomeonesaysTENDERLOIN-youdon‘tthinkofsteak.Youthinkofdanger. Youtakeabusandareshockedat2peoplecarryingonaconversationinEnglish. ......
68、 "Q:DidyouhearabouttheFrenchmanwhojumpedintotheriverinparis?
A:HewasdeclaredtobeinSeine. ------------------------------------------------------------ Fredwassayinghisprayersashisfatherpassedbyhisbedroomdoor.""GodblessMommy,andGodblessDaddy,andpleasemakeCalaisthecapitalofFrance.""""Fred,""saidhisfather,""whydoyouwantCalaistobethecapitalofFrance?
""""Becausethat‘swhatIwroteinmygeographytest!""
......"
69、 Q:DidyouhearaboutthenewAmericanExpressCardtheyareissuinginRedChina?
A:Youneverleehome.
70、 "OLDBASKETBALLplayersneverdie,theyjustgoondribbling OLDBEEKEEpERSneverdie,theyjustbuzzoff OLDBIKERSneverdie,butthey‘rehardontires OLDBIOLOGISTSneverdie,theyjustfermentaway OLDBLONDESneverfade,theyjustdyeaway
OLDBOOKKEEpERSneverdie,theyjustlosetheirfigures ......"
71、 "OLDCANNERSneverdie,theyarepreserved OLDCARSneverdie,theyjustgetrunintotheground OLDCASHIERSneverdie,theyjustcheckout OLDCHAUFFEURSneverdie,theyjustlosetheirdrive OLDCHEMISTSneverdie,theyjustdoitinorganically OLDCHEMISTSneverdie,theyjustfailtoreact
......"
72、 "OLDCREDITCARDSneverdie,theyjustexpire OLDCRICKETERSneverdie,theyjustgetbowledover OLDCRICKETERSneverdie,theyjustgetsmashedforsix OLDDANCERSneverdie,theyjuststepaway OLDDAREDEVILSneverdie,theyjustgetdiscouraged OLDDEANSneverdie,theyjustlosetheirfaculties ......"
73、 "OLDFOOTBALLpLAYERSneverdie,theyjustgototheendzone
OLDFOOTBALLERSneverdie,theyjustkickthebucket OLDFORESTERSneverdie,theyjustpineaway OLDFRIDGEREpAIRMENneverdie,theyjustblowtheircool OLDFROGSneverdie,theyjustcroak OLDFRUITneverdie,itjustpear-ishes ......"
74、 "AstheplanewasflyinglowoversomehillsnearAthens,aladyaskedthestewardess:""What‘sthatstuffonthosehills?
""
""Justsnow,""repliedthestewardess. ""That‘swhatIthought,""saidthelady,""butthisfellowinfrontofmesaiditwasGreece."""
75、 "OLDELECTRICIANSneverdie,theyjustdoituntilitHz OLDELECTRICIANSneverdie,theyjustlosecontact OLDENERGIZERBUNNIESneverdie,theygoon,andon,andon...
OLDENGINEERSneverdie,theyjustlosetheirbearings OLDENGLISHMAJORSdoitwithStrunkandWhite ......Aninstructorinchemicalwarfareaskedsoldiersinhisclass:""Anyoneknowstheformulaforwater?
"" ""Sure.That‘seasy,""saidoneman. ""Whatisit?
"" ""H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O.""
""What,what?
""reaskedtheinstructor. ""HtoO,""explainedthechemistryexpert."
76、 "privateLoydswasbroughtupbeforetheunitCOforsomeoffence. ""Youcantakeyourchoice,private-onemonth‘srestrictionortwentyday‘spay,""saidtheofficer.
""Allright,sir,""saidthebrightsoldier,""I‘lltakethemoney."""
77、 "Atanexhibitionofmilitarypaintingavisitorwasadmiringapicture. ""Whatagreatrealistthatpainteris!""heexclaimed. ""Whatpainter?
"" ""Theonethatpaintedthispicture‘SoldiersatWork‘.""
""Yes,hutsomethingiswrongthere.Thosesoldiersaren‘tworkingatall!"" ......"
78、 "TheFirstparent byBillCosby Wheneveryourkidsareoutofcontrol,youcantakecomfortfromthethoughtthatevenGod‘somnipotencedidnotextendtohiskids. AftercreatingHeenandEarth,GodcreatedAdamandEve.AndthefirstthingHesaidtothemwas:""Don‘t.""
......"
79、 "Amanandhiswifeweremakingtheirfirstdoctorvisit,thewifebeingpregnantwiththeirfirstchild. Aftereverythingcheckedout,thedoctortookasmallstampandstampedthewife‘sstomachwithindelibleink. Thecouplewascuriousaboutwhatthestampwasfor,sowhentheygothome,thehusbandgotouthismagnifyingglasstotrytoseewhatitwas.
......"
80、 "Themanpassedoutinadeadfaintashecameoutofhisfrontdoorontotheporch. Someonedialed9
11. Whentheparamedicsarrived,theyhelpedhimregainconsciousnessandaskedifheknewwhatcausedhimtofaint. ......"
81、 "Whenoursecondchildwasontheway,mywifeandIattendedapre-birthclassaimedatcoupleswhohadalreadyhadatleastonechild.
Theinstructorraisedtheissueofbreakingthenewstotheolderchild.Itwentlikethis: ""Someparents,""shesaid,""telltheolderchild,‘Weloveyousomuchwedecidedtobringanotherchildintothisfamily.‘Butthinkaboutthat.Ladies,whatifyourhusbandcamehomeonedayandsaid,‘Honey,IloveyousomuchIdecidedtobringhomeanotherwife.‘""
......"
82、 "Thefollowingisatruestorywrittenbyaneducationalpsychologistandherexperienceonaplane. OnaflighttoFlorida,Iwaspreparingmynotesforoneoftheparent-educationseminarsIconductasaneducationalpsychologist. TheelderlywomansittingnexttomeexplainedthatshewasreturningtoMiamiafterhingspenttwoweeksvisitinghersixchildren,18grandchildrenandtengreat-grandchildreninBoston.
......"
83、 "Fortwosolidhours,theladysittingnexttoamanonanairplanehadtoldhimabouthergrandchildren.Shehadevenproducedaplastic-foldoutphotoalbumofallnineofthechildren. Shefinallyrealizedthatshehaddominatedtheentireconversationonhergrandchildren. ......"
84、 "Awomanmeanttocallarecordstorebutdialedthewrongnumberandgotaprivatehomeinstead.
""Doyouhe‘EyesofBlue‘and‘ALoveSupreme‘?
""sheasked. ""Well,no,""answeredthepuzzledhomeowner.""ButIheawifeandelevenchildren."" ""Isthatarecord?
""sheinquired. ......"
85、 "Kidscansometimesaskthetoughestquestions.
Son:Father,CanIaskyouaquestion?
Father:Okask. Son:Whenadoctordoctorsadoctor,doesthedoctordoingthedoctoringdoctorasthedoctorbeingdoctoredwantstobedoctoredordoesthedoctordoingthedoctoringdoctorashewantstodoctor. ......"
86、 Greattruthsaboutlifethatadultshelearned RaisingteenagersislikenailingJell-Otoatree.
Thereisalwaysalottobethankfulforifyoutakethetimetolook.Forexample:I‘msittingherethinkinghowniceitisthatwrinklesdon‘thurt. Onereasontosmileisthateverysevenminutesofeverydaysomeoneinanaerobicsclasspullsahamstring. ......
87、 "Forweeksasix-yearoldladkepttellinghisfirst-gradeteacheraboutthebabybrotherorsisterthatwasexpectedathishouse.
Onedaythemotherallowedtheboytofeelthemovementsoftheunbornchild.Thesix-yearoldwasobviouslyimpressed,butmadenocomment.Furthermore,hestoppedtellinghisteacherabouttheimpendingevent. ......"
88、 "Therewasawomanwhowaspregnantwithtwins,andshortlybeforetheyweredue,shehadanaccidentandwentintoacoma.Herhusbandwasawayonbusiness,andunabletobereached.Whileinthecoma,shegebirthtohertwins,andtheonlypersonaroundtonameherchildrenwasherbrother.
......"
89、 "Thefollowingisatruestory. Therewasthislittlekidwhohadabadhabitofsuckinghisthumb.Hismotherfinallytoldhimthatifhedidn‘tstopsuckinghisthumb,he‘dgetfat. ......"
90、 "FourexpectantfatherswereinaMinneapolishospitalwaitingroom,whiletheirwiveswereinlabor. Thenursearrivedandannouncedtothefirstman,""Congratulationssir,you‘rethefatheroftwins.""
""Whatacoincidence!""themansaidwithsomeobviouspride.""IworkfortheMinnesotaTwinsbaseballteam."" ......"
91、 "Acountrydoctorwentwayouttotheboondockstodeliverababy. Itwassofarout,therewasnoelectricity.Whenthedoctorarrived,noonewashomeexceptforthelaboringmotherandher5-year-oldchild.Thedoctorinstructedthechildtoholdalanternhighsohecouldsee,whilehehelpedthewomandeliverthebaby.
......"
92、 "Amanobservedawomaninthegrocerystorewithathreeyearoldgirlinherbasket.Astheypassedthecookiesection,thechildaskedforcookiesandhermothertoldher""no.""Thelittlegirlimmediatelybegantowhineandfuss,andthemothersaidquietly,""NowEllen,wejusthehalfoftheaisleslefttogothrough;don‘tbeupset.Itwon‘tbelong.""
......"
93、 "Threeratsaresittingatthebartalkingbraggingabouttheirbreryandtoughness. Thefirstsays,""I‘msotough,onceIateawholebagfulofratpoison!"" Thesecondsays,""WellI‘msotough,onceIwascaughtinarattrapandIbititapart!"" ......"
94、 "Amanwenttovisitafriendandwasamazedtofindhimplayingchesswithhisdog.Hewatchedthegameinastonishmentforawhile.""Icanhardlybelievemyeyes!""heexclaimed.""That‘sthesmartestdogI‘veeverseen.""
......Theotherday,Iwaswalkingmydogaroundmybuilding...ontheledge.Somepeopleareafraidofheights.Notme,I‘mafraidofwidths. Ihadadogonce.Ispilledspotremoveronhim,andnowhe‘sgone. Iputcontactlensesinmydog‘seyes.Theyhadlittlepicturesofcatsonthem.ThenItookoneoutandheranaroundincircles. ......"
95、 "Therewerethesetwocows,chattingoverthefencebetweentheirfields. Thefirstcowsaid,""Itellyou,thismad-cow-diseaseisreallyprettyscary.Theysayitisspreadingfast;IheardithitsomecowsdownontheJohnsonFarm."" ......"
96、 "Twovampirebatswakeupinthemiddleofthenight,thirstyforblood.Onesays,""Let‘sflyoutoftheceandgetsomeblood.""
""We‘renewhere,""saysthesecondone.""It‘sdarkout,andwedon‘tknowwheretolook.We‘dbetterwaituntiltheotherbatsgowithus."" ......"
97、 "Mrs.petersonphonedtherepairmanbecauseherdishwasherquitworking.Hecouldn‘taccommodateherwithan""after-hours""appointmentandsinceshehadtogotowork,shetoldhim,""I‘llleethekeyunderthemat.Fixthedishwasher,leethebillonthecounter,andI‘llmailyouacheck.Bytheway,IhealargerotweilerinsidenamedKiller;hewon‘tbotheryou.Ialsoheaparrot,andwhateveryoudo,donottalktothebird!""
......"
98、 "Iwenttothecinematheotherdayandinthefrontrowwasanoldmanandwithhimwashisdog.Itwasasadfunnykindoffilm,youknowthetype.Inthesadpart,thedogcriedhiseyesout,andinthefunnypart,thedoglaugheditsheadoff.Thishappenedallthewaythroughthefilm.Afterthefilmhadended,Idecidedtogoandspeaktotheman.
......"
99、 purring:Soundofacatmanufacturingcuteness. purrverse:poemaboutastrangekitty. purranoia:Thefearthatyourcatisuptosomething. Humanbeing:Automaticdooropenerforcats. purrpetual:Everlastinglovefordomesticatedfelines. purrson:Amalekitty. ...... 10
0、 "Theanimalswerebored.Finally,thelionhadanidea.""Iknowareallyexcitinggamethatthehumansplaycalledfootball.I‘veseenitonT.V.""
Heproceededtodescribeittotherestoftheanimalsandtheyallgotexcitedaboutitsotheydecidedtoplay.Theywentouttothefieldandchoseupteamsandwerereadytobegin. ......"最新短篇精选英语爆笑笑话100篇可以看看这篇名叫中长篇笑话：长篇幽默笑话段子精选ampnbsp非爆笑类的文章，可能你会获得更多短篇精选英语爆笑笑话100篇
以下是的一些我们精选的中长篇笑话：长篇幽默笑话段子精选ampnbsp非爆笑类 摘自于：笑话网http://www.jokew.cn/a/youmoxiaohua/2016/0214/2009.html1、晚上吃过饭后不想碗！征求下媳妇意见，媳妇说：“你吃完饭后可以不碗，每次还可节省水费05元，不洗就给你留着下顿饭继续用，反正自己也不嫌自己脏！还有你要是怕落进灰尘，我还可将碗给你倒置，保证你接着用的时候没有灰尘！”
爆笑英语笑话精选
57、 "OLDRADIOSneverdie,theyjuststopreceiving OLDRAILROADERSneverdie,theyjustderail OLDRAINpUDDLESneverdie,theyjustdryup OLDSAILORSneverdie,theyjustgetalittle""DINGHY"" OLDSAILORSneverdie,theyjustlosetheirporpoise OLDSALESMENneverdie,theyjustgooutofcommission
......"
58、 "OLDMAGICIANSneverdie,theyjusttheyjustchangecolor OLDMAGICIANSneverdie,theyjustthey‘rejustfoolingthemselves OLDMAIDScountonfingers,butyounggirlscountonlegs OLDMATHTEACHERSneverdie,theyjustreducetolowestterms OLDMATHEMATICIANSneverdie,theyjustdisintegrate ......"
59、 "OLDpOSTALCARRIERSneverdie,theyjustlosetheirzip
OLDpRINTERSneverdie,they‘rejustnotthetype OLDpROGRAMMERSneverdie,theyjustbyteit OLDpROGRAMMERSneverdie,theyjustdecompile OLDpROGRAMMERSneverdie,theyjustgetbuggedwithlife OLDpROGRAMMERSneverdie,theyjustgotobits ......"
60、 "OLDTEACHERSneverdie,theyjustlosetheirclass OLDTELEpHONESneverdie,theyjuststopringing
OLDTHERMODYNAMICISTSneverdie,theyjustachievetheirstate--ofmaximumentropy OLDTIRETUBESneverdie,theyjustgetpunctured OLDTRASHneverdies,theyjustburyit ......"
61、 "OLDWANTSneverdie,theybecomeneeds OLDWATCHMAKERSneverdie,theyjustrunoutoftime OLDWATCHMAKERSneverdie,theyjustunwind OLDWATCHMAKERSneverdie,theyjustwinddown
OLDWEATHERMENneverdie,theyreignforever OLDWHITEWATERRAFTERSneverdie,theyjustgetdisgorged ......"
62、 "Recentlyseenonacard... Outside:Wedontfeelsorryforyoublowingallthosecandles,whataboutus... Inside:...Wehadtostayupallnightlightingthem!"
63、 "Anoldmanvisitshisdoctorandafterthoroughexaminationthedoctortellshim:""Ihegoodnewsandbadnews,whatwouldyouliketohearfirst?
""
patient:""Well,givemethebadnewsfirst."" Doctor:""Youhecancer,Iestimatethatyouheabouttwoyearsleft."" ......"
64、 "Threeretirees,eachwithahearingloss,weretakingawalkonefineMarchday. Oneremarkedtotheother,""Windy,ain‘tit?
"" ""No,""thesecondmanreplied,""It‘sThursday.""
Andthethirdmanchimedin,""SoamI.Let‘sheacoke."""
65、 "Forthefirsttimeinmanyyears,aanoldmantreledfromhisruraltowntothecitytoattendamovie.Afterbuyinghisticket,hestoppedattheconcessionstandtopurchasesomepopcorn. Handingtheattendant$
1.50,hecouldn‘thelpbutcomment,""ThelasttimeIcametothemovies,popcornwasonly15cents.""
......"
66、 "Seemsanelderlygentlemanhadserioushearingproblemsforanumberofyears. Hewenttothedoctorandthedoctorwasabletohehimfittedforasetofhearingaidsthatallowedthegentlemantohear100%. Theelderlygentlemanwentbackinamonthtothedoctorandthedoctorsaid,""Yourhearingisperfect.Yourfamilymustbereallypleasedthatyoucanhearagain.""
......"
67、 YouKnowYouLiveInSanFranciscoWhen... Yourco-workertellsyous/hehe8bodypiercingsbutnonearevisible. WhensomeonesaysTENDERLOIN-youdon‘tthinkofsteak.Youthinkofdanger. Youtakeabusandareshockedat2peoplecarryingonaconversationinEnglish. ......
68、 "Q:DidyouhearabouttheFrenchmanwhojumpedintotheriverinparis?
A:HewasdeclaredtobeinSeine. ------------------------------------------------------------ Fredwassayinghisprayersashisfatherpassedbyhisbedroomdoor.""GodblessMommy,andGodblessDaddy,andpleasemakeCalaisthecapitalofFrance.""""Fred,""saidhisfather,""whydoyouwantCalaistobethecapitalofFrance?
""""Becausethat‘swhatIwroteinmygeographytest!""
......"
69、 Q:DidyouhearaboutthenewAmericanExpressCardtheyareissuinginRedChina?
A:Youneverleehome.
70、 "OLDBASKETBALLplayersneverdie,theyjustgoondribbling OLDBEEKEEpERSneverdie,theyjustbuzzoff OLDBIKERSneverdie,butthey‘rehardontires OLDBIOLOGISTSneverdie,theyjustfermentaway OLDBLONDESneverfade,theyjustdyeaway
OLDBOOKKEEpERSneverdie,theyjustlosetheirfigures ......"
71、 "OLDCANNERSneverdie,theyarepreserved OLDCARSneverdie,theyjustgetrunintotheground OLDCASHIERSneverdie,theyjustcheckout OLDCHAUFFEURSneverdie,theyjustlosetheirdrive OLDCHEMISTSneverdie,theyjustdoitinorganically OLDCHEMISTSneverdie,theyjustfailtoreact
......"
72、 "OLDCREDITCARDSneverdie,theyjustexpire OLDCRICKETERSneverdie,theyjustgetbowledover OLDCRICKETERSneverdie,theyjustgetsmashedforsix OLDDANCERSneverdie,theyjuststepaway OLDDAREDEVILSneverdie,theyjustgetdiscouraged OLDDEANSneverdie,theyjustlosetheirfaculties ......"
73、 "OLDFOOTBALLpLAYERSneverdie,theyjustgototheendzone
OLDFOOTBALLERSneverdie,theyjustkickthebucket OLDFORESTERSneverdie,theyjustpineaway OLDFRIDGEREpAIRMENneverdie,theyjustblowtheircool OLDFROGSneverdie,theyjustcroak OLDFRUITneverdie,itjustpear-ishes ......"
74、 "AstheplanewasflyinglowoversomehillsnearAthens,aladyaskedthestewardess:""What‘sthatstuffonthosehills?
""
""Justsnow,""repliedthestewardess. ""That‘swhatIthought,""saidthelady,""butthisfellowinfrontofmesaiditwasGreece."""
75、 "OLDELECTRICIANSneverdie,theyjustdoituntilitHz OLDELECTRICIANSneverdie,theyjustlosecontact OLDENERGIZERBUNNIESneverdie,theygoon,andon,andon...
OLDENGINEERSneverdie,theyjustlosetheirbearings OLDENGLISHMAJORSdoitwithStrunkandWhite ......Aninstructorinchemicalwarfareaskedsoldiersinhisclass:""Anyoneknowstheformulaforwater?
"" ""Sure.That‘seasy,""saidoneman. ""Whatisit?
"" ""H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O.""
""What,what?
""reaskedtheinstructor. ""HtoO,""explainedthechemistryexpert."
76、 "privateLoydswasbroughtupbeforetheunitCOforsomeoffence. ""Youcantakeyourchoice,private-onemonth‘srestrictionortwentyday‘spay,""saidtheofficer.
""Allright,sir,""saidthebrightsoldier,""I‘lltakethemoney."""
77、 "Atanexhibitionofmilitarypaintingavisitorwasadmiringapicture. ""Whatagreatrealistthatpainteris!""heexclaimed. ""Whatpainter?
"" ""Theonethatpaintedthispicture‘SoldiersatWork‘.""
""Yes,hutsomethingiswrongthere.Thosesoldiersaren‘tworkingatall!"" ......"
78、 "TheFirstparent byBillCosby Wheneveryourkidsareoutofcontrol,youcantakecomfortfromthethoughtthatevenGod‘somnipotencedidnotextendtohiskids. AftercreatingHeenandEarth,GodcreatedAdamandEve.AndthefirstthingHesaidtothemwas:""Don‘t.""
......"
79、 "Amanandhiswifeweremakingtheirfirstdoctorvisit,thewifebeingpregnantwiththeirfirstchild. Aftereverythingcheckedout,thedoctortookasmallstampandstampedthewife‘sstomachwithindelibleink. Thecouplewascuriousaboutwhatthestampwasfor,sowhentheygothome,thehusbandgotouthismagnifyingglasstotrytoseewhatitwas.
......"
80、 "Themanpassedoutinadeadfaintashecameoutofhisfrontdoorontotheporch. Someonedialed9
11. Whentheparamedicsarrived,theyhelpedhimregainconsciousnessandaskedifheknewwhatcausedhimtofaint. ......"
81、 "Whenoursecondchildwasontheway,mywifeandIattendedapre-birthclassaimedatcoupleswhohadalreadyhadatleastonechild.
Theinstructorraisedtheissueofbreakingthenewstotheolderchild.Itwentlikethis: ""Someparents,""shesaid,""telltheolderchild,‘Weloveyousomuchwedecidedtobringanotherchildintothisfamily.‘Butthinkaboutthat.Ladies,whatifyourhusbandcamehomeonedayandsaid,‘Honey,IloveyousomuchIdecidedtobringhomeanotherwife.‘""
......"
82、 "Thefollowingisatruestorywrittenbyaneducationalpsychologistandherexperienceonaplane. OnaflighttoFlorida,Iwaspreparingmynotesforoneoftheparent-educationseminarsIconductasaneducationalpsychologist. TheelderlywomansittingnexttomeexplainedthatshewasreturningtoMiamiafterhingspenttwoweeksvisitinghersixchildren,18grandchildrenandtengreat-grandchildreninBoston.
......"
83、 "Fortwosolidhours,theladysittingnexttoamanonanairplanehadtoldhimabouthergrandchildren.Shehadevenproducedaplastic-foldoutphotoalbumofallnineofthechildren. Shefinallyrealizedthatshehaddominatedtheentireconversationonhergrandchildren. ......"
84、 "Awomanmeanttocallarecordstorebutdialedthewrongnumberandgotaprivatehomeinstead.
""Doyouhe‘EyesofBlue‘and‘ALoveSupreme‘?
""sheasked. ""Well,no,""answeredthepuzzledhomeowner.""ButIheawifeandelevenchildren."" ""Isthatarecord?
""sheinquired. ......"
85、 "Kidscansometimesaskthetoughestquestions.
Son:Father,CanIaskyouaquestion?
Father:Okask. Son:Whenadoctordoctorsadoctor,doesthedoctordoingthedoctoringdoctorasthedoctorbeingdoctoredwantstobedoctoredordoesthedoctordoingthedoctoringdoctorashewantstodoctor. ......"
86、 Greattruthsaboutlifethatadultshelearned RaisingteenagersislikenailingJell-Otoatree.
Thereisalwaysalottobethankfulforifyoutakethetimetolook.Forexample:I‘msittingherethinkinghowniceitisthatwrinklesdon‘thurt. Onereasontosmileisthateverysevenminutesofeverydaysomeoneinanaerobicsclasspullsahamstring. ......
87、 "Forweeksasix-yearoldladkepttellinghisfirst-gradeteacheraboutthebabybrotherorsisterthatwasexpectedathishouse.
Onedaythemotherallowedtheboytofeelthemovementsoftheunbornchild.Thesix-yearoldwasobviouslyimpressed,butmadenocomment.Furthermore,hestoppedtellinghisteacherabouttheimpendingevent. ......"
88、 "Therewasawomanwhowaspregnantwithtwins,andshortlybeforetheyweredue,shehadanaccidentandwentintoacoma.Herhusbandwasawayonbusiness,andunabletobereached.Whileinthecoma,shegebirthtohertwins,andtheonlypersonaroundtonameherchildrenwasherbrother.
......"
89、 "Thefollowingisatruestory. Therewasthislittlekidwhohadabadhabitofsuckinghisthumb.Hismotherfinallytoldhimthatifhedidn‘tstopsuckinghisthumb,he‘dgetfat. ......"
90、 "FourexpectantfatherswereinaMinneapolishospitalwaitingroom,whiletheirwiveswereinlabor. Thenursearrivedandannouncedtothefirstman,""Congratulationssir,you‘rethefatheroftwins.""
""Whatacoincidence!""themansaidwithsomeobviouspride.""IworkfortheMinnesotaTwinsbaseballteam."" ......"
91、 "Acountrydoctorwentwayouttotheboondockstodeliverababy. Itwassofarout,therewasnoelectricity.Whenthedoctorarrived,noonewashomeexceptforthelaboringmotherandher5-year-oldchild.Thedoctorinstructedthechildtoholdalanternhighsohecouldsee,whilehehelpedthewomandeliverthebaby.
......"
92、 "Amanobservedawomaninthegrocerystorewithathreeyearoldgirlinherbasket.Astheypassedthecookiesection,thechildaskedforcookiesandhermothertoldher""no.""Thelittlegirlimmediatelybegantowhineandfuss,andthemothersaidquietly,""NowEllen,wejusthehalfoftheaisleslefttogothrough;don‘tbeupset.Itwon‘tbelong.""
......"
93、 "Threeratsaresittingatthebartalkingbraggingabouttheirbreryandtoughness. Thefirstsays,""I‘msotough,onceIateawholebagfulofratpoison!"" Thesecondsays,""WellI‘msotough,onceIwascaughtinarattrapandIbititapart!"" ......"
94、 "Amanwenttovisitafriendandwasamazedtofindhimplayingchesswithhisdog.Hewatchedthegameinastonishmentforawhile.""Icanhardlybelievemyeyes!""heexclaimed.""That‘sthesmartestdogI‘veeverseen.""
......Theotherday,Iwaswalkingmydogaroundmybuilding...ontheledge.Somepeopleareafraidofheights.Notme,I‘mafraidofwidths. Ihadadogonce.Ispilledspotremoveronhim,andnowhe‘sgone. Iputcontactlensesinmydog‘seyes.Theyhadlittlepicturesofcatsonthem.ThenItookoneoutandheranaroundincircles. ......"
95、 "Therewerethesetwocows,chattingoverthefencebetweentheirfields. Thefirstcowsaid,""Itellyou,thismad-cow-diseaseisreallyprettyscary.Theysayitisspreadingfast;IheardithitsomecowsdownontheJohnsonFarm."" ......"
96、 "Twovampirebatswakeupinthemiddleofthenight,thirstyforblood.Onesays,""Let‘sflyoutoftheceandgetsomeblood.""
""We‘renewhere,""saysthesecondone.""It‘sdarkout,andwedon‘tknowwheretolook.We‘dbetterwaituntiltheotherbatsgowithus."" ......"
97、 "Mrs.petersonphonedtherepairmanbecauseherdishwasherquitworking.Hecouldn‘taccommodateherwithan""after-hours""appointmentandsinceshehadtogotowork,shetoldhim,""I‘llleethekeyunderthemat.Fixthedishwasher,leethebillonthecounter,andI‘llmailyouacheck.Bytheway,IhealargerotweilerinsidenamedKiller;hewon‘tbotheryou.Ialsoheaparrot,andwhateveryoudo,donottalktothebird!""
......"
98、 "Iwenttothecinematheotherdayandinthefrontrowwasanoldmanandwithhimwashisdog.Itwasasadfunnykindoffilm,youknowthetype.Inthesadpart,thedogcriedhiseyesout,andinthefunnypart,thedoglaugheditsheadoff.Thishappenedallthewaythroughthefilm.Afterthefilmhadended,Idecidedtogoandspeaktotheman.
......"
99、 purring:Soundofacatmanufacturingcuteness. purrverse:poemaboutastrangekitty. purranoia:Thefearthatyourcatisuptosomething. Humanbeing:Automaticdooropenerforcats. purrpetual:Everlastinglovefordomesticatedfelines. purrson:Amalekitty. ...... 10
0、 "Theanimalswerebored.Finally,thelionhadanidea.""Iknowareallyexcitinggamethatthehumansplaycalledfootball.I‘veseenitonT.V.""
Heproceededtodescribeittotherestoftheanimalsandtheyallgotexcitedaboutitsotheydecidedtoplay.Theywentouttothefieldandchoseupteamsandwerereadytobegin. ......"最新短篇精选英语爆笑笑话100篇可以看看这篇名叫中长篇笑话：长篇幽默笑话段子精选ampnbsp非爆笑类的文章，可能你会获得更多短篇精选英语爆笑笑话100篇
以下是的一些我们精选的中长篇笑话：长篇幽默笑话段子精选ampnbsp非爆笑类 摘自于：笑话网arc_81">
2、能有多少人理解男戴观音女戴佛的意义？男戴观音指的是让男人少一些残忍和暴力，多一些像观音一样的慈悲与柔和，自然就得观音保佑平安如意。女戴佛指的是让女人少一些嫉妒和小心眼，少说点是非，要像弥勒佛一样肚量广大，自然得弥勒佛的保佑快乐自在。
3、下午看完速度与基情7后，在回家的路上一路兴奋，看前方有一辆宝马，给我超！又遇一辆卡宴，超！又遇一路虎！超！遇劳斯莱斯！超！宾利继续超！迈巴赫毫不犹豫的超！超！超！没办法啊！这就是有速度又有基情啊......后面追上来一交警，拦住我给我说道：“你没看前面堵车吗？你骑着个破自行车拼命往前挤啥挤？这么多豪车蹭一辆你赔的起吗？
4、有位王子买了一匹白马，买马时马夫告诉他这是一匹特别的马！你让这匹白马前进的时候只要说“感谢上帝”，要让它停下来要说“赞美上帝”，王子将信将疑，试着喊了一声“感谢上帝”，随即那匹白马飞奔起来，越跑越快，很快就跑到了一处悬崖边上，王子惊恐万分，这才想起马夫给他讲的停下口令并高声叫道：赞美上帝！果不其然，白马在悬崖边上停了下来。死里逃生的王子长出了一口气感叹道：感谢上帝……然后马就掉下悬崖！
5、春节坐火车回家时，刚出火车站手机被小偷给偷了，我马上往我手机里发了一条信息，内容是“五哥！火车快开了，等不到你，我先上车走了！我欠你的三万块钱就放在火车站旁的寄存处b22号密码柜子里，密码2285”！过了一小时，偷我手机的小偷就在火车站寄存处b22号柜子前被生擒!想想我也太机智了！
6、坐公交上班时，见一位老大妈坐公交，好像腿不是很方便，我走过去把她搀扶到我的座位旁，正准备要坐下时，一位年轻漂亮的女子快速的抢座，我压制着心中的怒火说道：“美女，这是我给大妈让的座！”那女的飞了一个媚眼，用暧昧的声音说：“你就把我当成你媳妇就不会这么计较了！”她这么一说我立马就给她一个过肩摔，摔的她直叫唤，我冷笑着说：“我跟我
媳妇就是这么计较的！”最新中长篇笑话：长篇幽默笑话段子精选ampnbsp非爆笑类可以看看这篇名叫2014最新哄女孩开心的幽默笑话精选的文章，可能你会获得更多中长篇笑话：长篇幽默笑话段子精选ampnbsp非爆笑类以下是的一些我们精选的2014最新哄女孩开心的幽默笑话精选有了你，我的笑容从清晨一直洋溢到深夜；有了你，我的世界终结了所有的悲伤；有了你，我的幸福从此不再有缺憾。一辈子一段情，因为有了你，足矣。
我的缘份，爱上你是我的情份，守着你是我的本份，陪着你是我的福份。今生爱你爱得有点过份，来世爱你我早已做好了备份！想你，冰雪融化成湖水；念你，夜空汇聚出繁星；爱你，一颗真心永远为你跳动。亲爱的，让我们追随这份跳动，相爱永恒。遇到你，是我一生的缘分；牵着你，是我一生的快乐；爱上你，是我一生的幸运。今生有你相伴，是我一生的幸福。
用最贴心的温度，给你拥抱；用最温柔的眼神，给你呵护；用最实际的行动，把你好好照顾；用最诚挚的情意，真真切切给你幸福！有一片天涯叫咫尺，有一亩桑田叫沧海，有一束爱情叫至死不渝，有一股叫刻骨铭心。我愿在你的天涯，守护桑田，散播，期待爱情玫瑰开花。夏日湾，月亮的港湾，星星的河流，你垂钓思念在我心头；夏日湾，幸福的港湾，快乐的河流，我垂钓浪漫在你笑容街头，愿者上钩哦。
一句承诺一世情，一生守候一颗心，一声问候一天暖，一份思念永延绵，一个想念你的我，在等着你的回信，愿我的存在，让你更加快乐幸福！云也走风也走，躲到山的那一头；你也走我也走，情不自禁手牵手；情也走爱也走，小船水面荡悠悠；甜瓜瓜喂一口，丝丝甜进你心头。与云相随，是风的幸福；与树相依，是叶的幸福；与花相恋，是蝶的幸福；与天相望，是地的幸福；与你相守，是我一生最大的幸福！
要么挂在嘴边，要么藏在心里，反正就是你。彼此关爱，彼此惦记。不一定要日日相见，永存的是心心挂念：亲爱的，照顾好自己。 形相随，依偎只是一时景，心相印，片刻已是千年情；愿真爱，天涯不变，朝暮在心；愿与你，轮回不忘，生死不弃，白首亦不离！
爆笑英语笑话精选
以爱恋为船，思念为桨，满载爱意；泛起春潮，沉淀过往，轻轻把你存进心房；此情最迷人，此心最真诚，想你，想我，让爱地久天长！与你相遇是上天的安排，与你相识是真主的赐予，与你相知是我命中注定，与你相恋是轮回的宿命，此生，只愿与你长相厮守！ 有一种安排叫做缘，冥冥之中，自有天意。有一张网叫做情，情网恢恢，疏而不漏。有一种爱叫思念，四处弥漫，牵牵绊绊。真的好想你。夜深了，发条问问你想起了谁？是否和我一样，想用寂寞把自己灌醉，独自相思到心碎？亲爱的，为爱追随，即便容颜憔悴当无悔！ 有人问我，当你孤单时第一个想起谁，当你寂寞时第一个想起谁，当你开心时第一个想起谁，我的回答始终是那个熟悉的名字，那就是你。夜晚，你在我梦里；白天，你在我心里；相依，你在我眼里；分离，你在我思念里。亲爱的，天天有你，分秒不曾忘记。
夜有些深！心有些碎！不知道你有没有睡；你是星月我是日，日月星辰总相宜；你是烛火我是蛾，焚身火海也愿意，你值得我永远爱。星光伴奏，用心弦为你弹一曲最动听的情歌，穿越时空，袅绕岁月；山水相拥，用真情为你照一张最美丽的相片，保存一世，甜蜜年华。 有人说：左鞋带散了表示我想你了，右鞋带散了表示你想我了！我把左鞋带绑紧、把右鞋带放松，可是左鞋带还是散了，原来我总是忍不住想你
最新2014最新哄女孩开心的幽默笑话精选可以看看这篇名叫最新哄女孩开心的爱情个性签名的文章，可能你会获得更多2014最新哄女孩开心的幽默笑话精选个性签名由QingGen发布
把我的问候，拜托嫦娥挂在那桂树儿上，在漆黑的夜里，让你看得到；把我的问候，轻轻地洒在风里，就算你在天涯海角，也能让你感受得到。
观一场梦里花落，尝一次美味豆豉，听一段少年往事，感一下他人日记，报一次到，灌一点水，抒一下情，道一声好。发个个性签名问个好！一盏迷离的霓虹灯，一段漫长的人生路，一杯清新的功夫茶，一盅醇香的二锅头，一个真心的有情人，一份难得的岁月情。有一种气叫运气，它能让你逢凶化吉，遇难呈祥；有一种气叫福气，它能让你一生无忧，平平安安。现在我将它们送给你，就让它们永远伴随你！
你天庭饱满，地阁方圆，耳垂及肩，真是大富大贵之相啊！哎，别动，你还面带桃花，看来好事将近啊！贵人，终于让我找到你了，快借我一块钱。开机喜事到，向您问个好，办事处处顺，生活步步高，期期中，好运天天交，打牌场场胜，口味顿顿好，越活越年轻，家里出黄金，墙上长钞票。风雨无情人有情 对你想念没有停 虽然不是常见面 一样会把你想念 发个信息把话聊 时间化作连理桥 祝你每天睡好觉 看完信息笑一笑
一份执着，两颗真心，拌三份糊涂，四分怜惜，加五钱眼泪，六两柔情，配浪漫七杯，用八分爱火，九经考验，煲成十全十美正果。桃花横在我的窗棂，花开的脚步惊动了我羞涩的诗词；树上的鸟儿雀跃欢笑，喜悦感染了树枝上嫩绿的芽孢。你还等什么？带上我的鼓励向梦想出发！我想我们会在一起的，我等你来兑现你对我的诺言，我觉得自己很幸福，我不再是一条孤独流浪的鱼，我有岸可度，岸的一端你在那。
花儿开了又落了，鸟儿来了又走了，记得当年年纪小，都爱谈天都爱笑，拍拍手弯弯腰，我们曾把那皮筋跳，年少时的朋友，不顺的时候想想皮筋吧。问候你我的朋友：送你阳光，替你把痛苦蒸发，送你细雨，替你把龌龊冲。送你流星，替你带走噩梦，送你彩霞，替你招徕鲜艳的百花，你开心了吧！还在上班吗？你这段时间忙坏了吧。要注意休息，不要太累。比如不看这条个性签名。
晚上笑一笑睡个美满觉，早晨笑一笑生活有情调，工作之余笑一笑欢喜又热闹，烦恼之时笑一笑忧愁全抛掉，收到个性签名笑一笑感受生活真美妙。有阳光照耀的地方就有我默默的祝福，当月光洒向地球的时候就有我默默的祈祷。当流星滑过的刹那我许了个愿：祝愿正在看个性签名的人永远幸福！理由少一点，肚量大一点，嘴巴甜一点，脾气小一点，行动快一点，效率高一点，微笑露一点，脑筋活一点。
在这特殊的日子里，所有的祝福的问候都带着我们的爱，拥挤在您的酒杯里，红红的，深深的，直到心底。我开心省心，你却担心痛心；我花心变心，你痴心碎心；谢谢你，为我付出了这么多，让我真真正正地为你动了心。自从我得到你的爱，好像在漫漫的黑暗中见到了光明，在无涯的沙漠中得到了清泉，在山石中发现了一枝鲜花，我怎能不感谢你呢？
痛苦最好是别人的，快乐才是自己的，麻烦将是暂时的，朋友总是永恒的；没有什么大不了的！哥们，没你的鼓励就没我的今天，谢谢嗷。你是一棵大树，春天倚着你幻想，夏天倚着你繁茂，秋天倚着你成熟，冬天倚着你思考。生命的美妙，你指引我去寻找，感谢你的拥抱和赐予的美好！有一种默契叫做心有灵犀，有一种感觉叫妙不可言，有一种幸福叫有你相伴。谢谢你，朋友！因为你，我的生活才能更加丰富多彩。
感谢你陪我走过昨天，分享今天，迎接明天。愿有我的日子你每天都精彩，每步都平安，每刻都快乐，每分都如意，每秒都幸福。曾经的陌生不代表永恒，不经意之间，感觉的默契延续了你我的友情，寂寞旅途中，每天能收到你殷切的关怀，我感恩：红尘中有你同行。甜蜜时，你是我的宝贝；无聊时，你是我的猫咪；伤心时，你是我大哥哥；撒娇时，你是我依赖的；其实，我最想大声告诉你，你就是我的全部。
2014最新哄女孩开心的幽默笑话精选你我相识虽然是那么的短暂，可是你给我的影响却是那么深远。永远感谢你，我的挚友！你的引领，使我的心插上了理想的翅膀。不管明天怎样，都要从心底说声，谢谢你!谢谢你愿意走进我的生命,扮演朋友的角色, 或许你不是唯一的,但却是最好的！感谢天，感谢地，感谢网络让你我相遇！虽然不晓得你是虾米，可偶对一的稀饭与日俱增，虾米时候给俺鉴定下洒。
托一片云霞带一份祝福给你，同时由衷地向你说一声：谢谢！4幽默故事4幽默网文4经典网文4幽默个性签名有了你，世界更精彩，有了你，星空更灿烂；有了你，人间更温暖；有了你，我觉得更幸福！在长夜的路上，看到火光，那是希望；在寒冷的冬天，看到火光，那是温暖。朋友，你是我人生路上的火光，给了我希望，也给了我温暖！
祝您的事业像马克思主义不断发展，魅力似思想光芒四射，爱情像邓小平理论演绎春天的故事，金钱如同三个代表与时俱进！一个迷路的精灵，他送了我一个装满幸福的宝盒，开启的瞬间幸福洒向正在看个性签名的您，愿您及家人永远幸福、天天快乐！打开的是吉祥，看到的是鸿运，愿所有期望和祝福涌向您，祈望您心情舒畅万事顺意，愿这美好心愿化为最真挚的问候传给您：开心百分百，生活更精彩！个性签名网欢迎您
在繁忙的工作中请您接受我最真挚的诚意和祝福；愿我的祝福消除一天工作带来的疲劳；愿幸福和快乐伴随着您生活的每一天。悠悠的云里有淡淡的诗，淡淡的诗里有绵绵的情，绵绵的情里有我轻轻的问候！祝福你一切都好。感冒好点了吗?
要注意身体,多喝水,多休息,生命中不断地有人离开或进入于是看见的看不见了记住的遗忘了生命中不断地有得到和失落于是看不见的看见了
传说今晚，阴魂不散，死光又现，鬼魂四处转！愿鬼听到我的呼唤，半夜来到你庆头，苍白的脸，幽绿的眼，干枯的手抚摸你的脸，代我向你说一句：晚安！冷酷外表掩示不了你火热的心灵；不羁长发遮挡不住你善良的双眼。仁慈的你肯定有颗普济众生的菩萨心。不过说了老半天了，大哥你能不能赏俩钱啊…
要不要我为你唱首歌，解解你心中忧伤寂寞；要不要我为你倒杯水，也许哭过以后会口渴；要不要我陪你聊一聊，听你把心事款款诉说。
白云从不向天空承诺去留，却朝夕相伴；风景从不向眼睛说出永恒，却始终美丽；星星从不向黑夜许诺光明，却努力闪烁；我没有常同你联系却永远牵挂！仰首是春，俯首是秋，愿所有的幸福都陪伴着你；月圆是诗，月缺是画，愿所有的欢乐都追随着你。祝福你万事胜意，皆大欢喜！人生的成功不在于拿到一幅好牌，而是怎样将坏牌打好。当心灵趋于平静，精神便得永恒。朋友，给自己一个微笑吧，这样你将看到太阳每天都是新的。个性签名网欢迎您
走过了山山水水，脚下是高高低低；经历了风风雨雨，还是要寻寻觅觅；生活是忙忙碌碌，获得了多多少少，失去了点点滴滴，重要的是开开心心！打开的是吉祥，看到的是鸿运，愿所有期望和祝福涌向您，祈望您心情舒畅万事顺意，愿这美好心愿化作真挚的祝福送给您：开心百分百，生活更精彩！闲时信息发几条，多些幽默少烦恼，善待自己要乐观，苦闷之时想美好，笑对困难挺直腰，真诚待人不求报，心平身健乐逍遥。
想让你品尝我刚煮好的咖啡，一如品尝我们的友情，可遥远的距离，却把简单的愿望拉长。只好让浓郁的香气携带着长长的思绪，遥遥地问候你。榨3杯果汁送你：一杯是葡萄汁，让你啜饮紫色的浪漫；一杯是黄瓜汁，祝坐拥绿色与健康；一杯是加蜜橙汁，愿人生甜蜜多过酸楚！ 宝贝宝贝我爱你,就象老鼠爱大米,你是天上的凤凰飞啊飞,我是地上的乌鸦追啊追,我不打你不骂你,我用感情折磨你
爱是一种感受,即使痛苦也会觉得幸福.爱是一种体会,即使心碎也会觉得甜蜜.爱是一种经历,即使破碎也会觉得美丽.
你想我吗？2014最新哄女孩开心的幽默笑话精选
爆笑英语笑话精选
注意身体！知道吗？我最不希望的就是看到你生病！真的！如果爱你是错的话，我不想对；如果对是等于没有你的话，我宁愿错一辈子；如果非要把着份爱加上一个期限，我希望是一万年！！！不同的时间，不同的地点，不同的人群，相同的只有你和我；时间在变，空间在变，不变的只有对你无限的思念！我会爱你一百年! 鱼说：你永远看不见我的泪，因为我在水里,水说：我能感觉到你的泪，因为你在我的心里你知道我现在最想成为什么吗？我最想成为一只大鸟，好大好大的鸟，一飞就飞到你的身边。也许是缘，但更多是怨，无所谓是缘是怨，今生相逢已让我珍惜拥有。一分钟就能让一个人心碎，一小时就能喜欢上一个人，一天就能爱上一个人，要用一生的时间才能去忘掉一个人。
真正的情侣就是:当他们在一起的时候,一小时是一秒钟;而当他们分开的时候,一秒钟是一小时.这正是我和你在一起的感觉.爱你直到永远!平凡的你给了我一份平凡的爱情，看在眼里，捧在手心，记在脑中，留在心头。只因你让我懂得了什么是真正的爱情。真的谢谢你。不同的时间，不同的地点，不同的人群，变化的空间，变化的容颜，变化的语言，不变的是我对你的思念之情！
我们能发展到今天真是几经波折，可能还有更多的考验等待着我们，但我只知道一件事，我爱你，我只想和你永远在一起!我的爱人，你是我赖以生存的氧气，虽然你不在我身边，但你仍然充斥我周围的每一寸空间，爱你永不变！！！因为苦涩，才去品尝，因为感动，才去深爱如果爱你是上天交给我的任务,我愿意这个任务是永久,它不应有期限.因为上天知道我会好好的珍惜你的.
我是用真心喜欢你。请相信我。让爱的潮水一点一点相我们靠近，不管风吹浪打，我都会守在你的身旁为你挡风遮雨。与你相识是一种缘，与你相恋是一种美，与你相伴是一种福，我愿和你相伴到永远。与你相遇在夏日黄昏的午后,想你在秋季漫漫的风霜里,吻你在青草已绿的春天,只想轻轻的问你---让我爱你一生,好吗?
你的肌肤是五线谱,我的唇印是爱的音符;我要谱写一首难忘的歌,让你永远快乐...我将把你紧紧地搂在怀中，吻你亿万次，像在赤道上面那样炽烈的吻如果有一天你老了，老的连牙齿也没了，我仍然会吻你没有牙的牙床。愿执子之手，与子偕老！“爱”是沉重的，我愿和你一起将她捧稳！爱愿执子之手，与子偕老！“爱”是沉重的，我愿和你一起将她捧稳！爱
没什么，只是忽然很想你。这只是我一时想起你。在这个感情泛滥的年度里，我只说，我喜欢你。我想你了，此刻。
现在阻止我吻你的唯一障碍就是你上的这块玻璃。希望能有那么一天，我能敞开心扉向全世界宣读雪碧版的爱情宣言，我坚信那也会是感动千古的动人故事！夜有多长,泪有多长,泪长爱更长,风雨无阻追随你跨过了一个世纪!我们在缘份的海洋中扬帆前进!如果不是那个雨天，不是那不轻易的一眸，你怎会看见我似雨的心。
万家灯火明又亮，出门在外想家乡，好久没见爱人的面，想起了爱人更悲伤。轻轻地，不惊你梦；只愿你，梦中有我。我愿做一棵树，屹立在你必经的路上。我愿做一片云，替你抵挡烈日。我愿做一把伞，经受暴风骤雨。这就是爱情！别怪我，我们坠入爱河，别怪地球的引力，因为没有它，我们的爱会处在真空。爱不需要理由！
每一天都为你心跳，每一刻都被你感动，每一秒都为你担心。有你的感觉真好。这夜在你强健的臂弯里我睡得很沉 很沉滟影中我们与杨柳做伴歌声惊动了静静的傍晚我们的身影被夕阳拖得老长老长2014最新哄女孩开心的幽默笑话精选衣襟还残留着昨日的花香,身边飘过还是那朵似曾相识的流云,伸手截住那片被秋风吹拂自惭自秽冉冉而下的淡黄的枯叶,一丝苦涩入我心。
我用一万句谎言扎成一束风骚的媚眼向你扫射过去,你倒在血泊中,千疮百孔的身子嵌满丘比特的......我想我们的爱虽然不是一篷熊熊燃着的火，光焰万道，热力四射；可它是一壶正在烧开的水，一点一点，最高会是沸腾！我在忧愁时想你，就像在冬天想太阳；我在快乐时想你，就像在骄阳下想树荫如果爱你是错的话我不想对如果对是等于没有你的话我宁愿错一辈子
没有你，我的世界没有色彩；没有你，我的天空没有白云；没有你，我的躯体没有灵魂；没有你；我的生命只有悲剧！无论如何我都会感谢上苍让我遇见你.因为在我们心里:没有聚散分离,只有爱!一些路我们并肩走过，一些故事我们就是主人公，一首歌我们对唱了那幺久，永远不变的是心中深藏的对爱的执着我爱你/可是我不敢说/我怕说了/我会马上死去/我不怕死/我怕我死了/没有人象我一样爱你.
我爱你/可是我不敢说/我怕说了/我会马上死去/我不怕死/我怕我死了/没有人象我一样爱你.
分开的一分一秒使我明白，男人的心也是玻璃做的；想你的每时每刻让我懂得，我的心也需要爱的抚慰。遇见你是个错，爱上你是一错再错，离开你是错上加错。因为不知来生来世会不会遇到你，所以今生今世我会加倍爱你。
在这世纪第一个情人节，祝你情人节快乐。我越来越喜欢你了。世间本无沙漠，我每想你一次，上帝就落下一粒沙，从此便有了撒哈拉！我今生最大的奢望就是:天天和你在同个盆里洗脚.平淡相守到老--老到我们哪也去不了.如果有一天你有了大肚腩，我依然会为你做晚餐！我们，就是一张纸的两面，如何才能分开呢？
想你在每一刻.爱你在每一天!有你的日子你是一切,没你的日子一切是你.是鬼迷了心窍也好，是上天的注定也好。总之能够认识你是我这一生最大的快乐。我将把你紧紧地搂在怀中，吻你亿万次，像在赤道上面那样炽烈的吻我爱过你，而且正爱着你 ，是那样的深是那样的刻骨铭心 ！！！！！！！！
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